**For my letter...I kind of put it in order of cost and then priceless. The ones I really want the most are (in no particular order): bathing suit, workout pants, video camera, the money for college, and the teeth thing.**


I don't really need anything, but it would be nice if you could give what I want. Here is my silly list.

1. a bathing suit (for swimming laps)
2. workout pants
3. belly button ring
4. phone card
5. camera
6. video camera
7. psp and games
8. playstation 3 and games
9. 20,000 to pay for college
10. find my passport
11. find my clarinet
12. give me back the money so I can use my ticket for Japan and not for a place in the states
13. fix my teeth without having to do something drastic

That's it for now. I might update the list later. Thanks.

There was a flood last week because of the hurricane. I didn't have electricity for 30 hours. The first night I drank a bit and played cards with my roomie. We used candles. The neighbors decided to run around in the rain naked. All I could really see was a blur of skin. Hahahaaa
The next day I walked around to look at the damage. I am kind of upset that I didn't get to see the big flooded look the day before. I wish I had a camera...I could of taken cool pictures. There were random logs and crap all over the place. The dock was messed up. I wanted to hop across the planks that were still attached as the waves splashed up between the cracks. I didn't though...dangerous I guess. Interesting experience...

Good thing the electricity came back on by Saturday. My friend made Japanese curry and I showed them how to make cookie treats. Yummy in my tummy! We had plum wine and played cards.
Then we went to a dance party, where they were taught how to dance...a bit. After I walked them home I went to another place to hang out. It was mostly talking but I got to play a football game on the wii (weird). It was cool that my friend wanted to play that game with me. I had fun and it felt like he remembered that I like video games and football. I totally beat him though. Mwahahaaa Ah one friend gets drunk and then hangs all over me. Then a mutual friend tries to get us together. How weird...but not totally surprising I guess. I mean...that dude that hangs all over me when he be drunk likes to talk and hang out when sober and I thought he might like me a bit. Not that it matters to me.

Oh speaking of that kind of thing...my dad has now given up on me working and wants me to find a guy that will take care of me. Haha He is even okay with me dating random people in order to get me fed and crap for the time being. Granted, he was joking but yea. Then I talked to another friend and mentioned how funny it would be if I asked my jerkface friend. My friend thought he'd say yes and to prove my friend wrong I texted the jerkface. Of course, he didn't reply back and I hope he doesn't go around talking to all our friends about it. Then again, I don't really care...its not like I was being serious. I mean if he said yes then I would have to do it, but I kind of worded it in a way were I can make it sound like it was more of a normal hang out type thing...you know if the jerkface talked about it with everyone. I mean if people found out about it...I would find out at some point.
I also asked another friend on a date. In this case, I was more specific. It is more of a practice date and we are going on it over the weekend. I say practice because a while ago we were talking about how he is, what I call, a virgin dater. Hahahaaa and we talked about doing a practice date thing to get him more comfortable for a real one.
In any case, this random dating/asking decision might not have been a good idea but whatever. I don't care what people think.

Um I have to go and take an exam that I did not study for. I calculated it and it will be nearly impossible for me to get lower than a C in the class even if I fail the exam today. I can even get an A still if I get a 100 on the final. I know...unlikely but yea. I'm gonna start studying for the final tomorrow so I can get that A. Hahahaaa Let's see how that plan works out. I need to focus on studying for my exam tonight more than anything else today. Dun dun duuunnnn

In general, I have been hanging out with friends and trying to study more. I need to get back into working out though.

For Halloween I didn't really do anything. Well, on Friday I went to an early party. It was good to see people I haven't in a while. That whiskey kind of fucked me up, but I think I made it home before it became obvious. My friends say they never seen me drunk, but they have. I just act the same...unless I have gotten to the point where I can't walk well and mess up my words. That rarely happens, but I did stumble on my on feet in the kitchen. Ah but I do that when I am not drunk and it wasn't like I was walking around like that. Hahahaaa
Anyway, enough about the drinking part. I only had a black cape and clothes so I didn't know what to tell people I was dressed as when they asked. I ended up saying I was a witch, but some people told me I looked like a death angel. I even got complimented on how good I looked. I didn't do anything different and I wasn't wearing sexy clothes. Oh but I did not wear my glasses to the party. Hmm I never thought they made that big of a difference.
Nowadays they are really old and I need new ones. Later...I will get my eyes checked and get contacts while I am at it.
Nothing ultra exciting happened at the party. I did go around pretending to curse people (kind of). One of my friends really got into it. Haha
On Halloween I went to eat Korean lunch and watched our college football game. They killed the other team...why does that always happen when I am at a game!? haha

In other news, I have been looking more seriously into a university in Japan to get a graduate degree in. I've finally found what the degree is called and of course it is only offered in Japan and it is kind of new in general. Meaning that there aren't a ton of choices...college wise. Not that I mind, it makes me narrow down my options faster. The problem that I just realized is...3 out of the 4 universities are ranked in the top ten in Japan. The first place one is ranked 22nd in the WORLD. THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! The 4th place is ranked 55th in the WORLD. The 10th place is ranked 171th in the WORLD. Basically, they are all like trying to get into MIT or Harvard. Not to mention how it will be 10 times harder since I am not a native speaker. The fourth university over there will be easier to get into because my university is connected to theirs and its ranking is about the same as the one I am in. They are in the top 6% in their country. The other three where the top 1% in the world. I didn't realize that my university was as high as it was in the world...its 425. Big difference from the other three but there are definitely more than 5000 in the world so yea.
Ah but you never know...maybe it will be a bit easier for me to get into those smart ass universities because I am a little foreign girl trying to get into a "newer" degree.
Oh I forgot to mention...don't only will I be one of the few Americans running around in the sea of Asians...I will be one of the very very few girls. Talk about challenging myself. I am more worried about the actual classes than getting into a university.
Speaking of getting in...I probably need to at least ace the level 2 JLPT (second hardest) while dealing with the normal applications and entrance exams. I might have to do some crazy programming test as well. It depends where I end up trying to go. Maybe I will try for more than one to be safe. I still have to look into a lot of crap, but I really got to focus more on the language studying.

I guess that is about it. Next time I will probably talk about Thanksgiving. Haha

I don't think anything really interesting happened but I felt like it was time to post again.

Everything is going okay in general. I think I need to find more recipes that I can use whenever I feel like eating it. I have gotten tired of eating quick and simple meals. Variety is always better.

Last Sunday, I went to Starbucks to hang out with a friend in Japan. Okay let me explain. First, I don't like coffee. Second, I have always wanted to hang out with someone that lived far away from me. My plan was that we could both go to the movies or out to eat at the same time. Well, it would technically different times for both of us but we'd be doing it together. Obviously...with a movie we would have to just call each other after to talk about. Then again, you could have the cell on the whole time...no one would know if you aren't really talking to the person. You would get to hear them react to the movie though. As for going to eat...that would look weird. Think about sitting at a normal dinner place and being on the phone...even if you had a laptop to video chat...it would look weird. I totally want to do it! hahahaaa I think it would be cool to have a hologram phone. That way it would look like they were really with you and you can talk like "normal" haha
Anyway...I told my crazy idea to people before and they normally wanted to do it with me. It never happened though. When I told my Japanese friend...he wanted to do it right then and there. I was kind of surprised at how into it he was. We couldn't really do it then because I would of had to walk around late at night and he would have been worried the whole time. Hahahaaa
Thus...we hung out on Sunday and we picked Starbucks because it was in both countries and well all around easier. After all, I had to go at 8am and it was 9pm for him. The phone card thing is kind of expensive though. $20 for an hour. Dun dun duuuunnnn It was nice and I am glad I finally got to experience that weirdo plan of mine. I find it a bit funny that it happened with someone from a country on the opposite side of the planet. Hahahaaa
Now I really want to try going to the movies like that. I don't think that would work with my friend in Japan though...unless I can find a movie to go to at 11am and midnight for him. Plus, aren't movies released differently...oh I don't know. Not to mention the fact that I would have to get a friend to drop me off and pick me up. I can't walk to the movie theatre. Then again, I think it would be easier to try to go to the movie than dinner. I don't think they have a lot of the same places to eat at. Unless we just kept it nonspecific and went to a general ice cream place or sushi place. Yea...

Um yea...I am done now. ^_^

I have finally got into a workout routine. I go to the gym every Tuesday and Thursday. My friend and I are planning on going swimming every weekend. We might also try to play racquetball and other sports on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I don't know how well it will work out but I want to add some active to do at home. After all, sometimes friends need to cancel. Like I did yesterday...I had a presentation that I needed to practice.
When I was swimming...I realized how much I really liked to swim. I need a one piece bathing suit though.

My classes are going okay so far, but I really have to start putting in some real effort now. I had to drop a class because of money issues, but I am treating my Japanese lab time like a class. I really got to learn as much as I can on my own.

I have gone to a few fun events. Watched the college football team win, went to a Japanese dinner meeting, watched an interesting Italian movie, went to a potluck dinner for a club I am in, and recently I went to a lingerie birthday party. I guess I will only really talk about the last one.
The party was for my friend, but I only knew a few people there. It was like being in a club. There was a DJ and a bartender. The dance floor was packed. I got pulled a lot to dance. I am not sure if that was because I am a girl or what I was wearing. I was wearing a Japanese robe with underwear under it. The robe was silky and would slip open a lot. I didn't mind and would adjust it. I mean it was dark in there. I got to lick whip cream off of the birthday girl. There was a lot of lesbian action with that. Hahahaaa
Anyway, it was fun and I met some new people. I am glad I ended up wearing what I did. I was about weird about it at first.

Well, I have to go so until next time. ^_^

Nothing incredibly interesting has been going on, but I will mention a few things.

I tried to go to Japan and Korea during May. Unfortunately, I lost my passport a week before my plane flight. Kind of weird but oh well. I tried to find it or get a new one but bad things kept happening. I am not really upset about not being able to go, but I got a horrible cancellation fee. Now I have to reuse the ticket money before the year is over. I am going to talk to the airline to see if I can just get my money back because I have health problems and that flu thing is going around. I don't want to call them and ask, but the worst they can do is say no. If that doesn't work...I will have to buy a ticket to Chicago and another random city to visit friends. I don't mind going to places I haven't been before, but all of the sudden money got really tight and I would prefer to have the money back. I know plane tickets tend to be nonrefundable, but maybe this flu issue will give me a way out. Hahahaaa

Oh by the way, my whole family is disappointed that I was even thinking about going to Japan. That is why I didn't want to even tell my dad. I know that I have loans that I will need to pay off but I am not bad with money. I have always been able to deal with whatever happened to me. Plus, I got free money that I used to buy the ticket. I didn't have to pay for a place to stay and I know I would get a lot of "free" food and whatnot. In the end, it was good that I couldn't go because of the change in tuition and other unforeseen things that made me have to change plans to fit my budget. At the same time, if I had paid for a cellphone (I always knew that I could deal without one) for all of the years I was in some type of college...I wouldn't have been able to go. My point is...I would rather spend that much money to go on vacation and explore a new place, than use it on something that makes daily life a tiny bit easier. I know a vacation only last once and the cell phone would have been for 4 years, but I think that kind of trip is priceless.

I wish they would stop being negative about how I am regarding certain things. They see me as another "Uncle Danny" and you know what...he is dead. He was a "bum" that traveled around (the states), not having a real job. At the same time, he was a great person. I know I am like him in certain ways...
I hate working.
I love to travel.
We seem to think alike.
But when people mention how I am like him...it is not a good thing. I am going to college and I will get a degree. Just because I hate money and working doesn't mean I won't do anything. I am good with how I spend my money and they know that...why would they doubt me that one time? I know they want me to work and have money to pay of the loan before I even think about trying to complete my traveling goals. I understand them, but that is not how I am. I am not like a lot of people...where they put things off for when there is a "better time" to do it. If you keep doing that; you will get nowhere. You will get stuck in the rut of normal life. My goals in life are not to work at a certain job, get a hubby and have kids. My goals are to travel everywhere to experience life and to be able to give people something unique (crazy "job" dream) later in life. Of course you need money and connections to do that but yea.

I get my "third" degree in four semesters and I want to try to get into a college in Japan to work on a Graduate degree. Of course, my family wants me to just get a job to pay of my loans and then I can go do the Graduate degree if I want. Loan payment doesn't begin until a certain amount of months after you stop going to college all together. I need to look into it more, but I am assuming that rule applies even if you are studying in another country. It is more likely for me to get my tuition fully paid for (free money yay) if I did the Graduate thing in another country. That way I wouldn't be adding any "debt" to what I will have already. I am not saying that I will go to Japan to do the Graduate thing but I will try. It will be really hard for me. After all, I need to be fluent in the language because I would be taking a degree that won't have a lot of classes in English. I have to pass an entrance exam in their language. I have to teach myself almost everything before I take that test. This would be an incredible feat to accomplish. That is why I am going to be dedicated to teaching myself. I am going to treat it as if it is one of the real classes that I have to take. I am going to research more about it all. At the same time, I will strive to get all As in my real classes and try to get a job after I graduate. I know what I want to happen but in the end I will pick what works out best when the time comes. My family can shove it up their ass. I was not born to make them proud or to please them. Granted, I feel bad when they are disappointed, but it is my life to live. If I screw up, then I will have to learn and deal with it.

I know my family has been wanting me to work and it is a good idea. I think I am afraid of it making it too hard to focus on my classes. It happened before. With that said, I decided to get a part time job on campus at the beginning of next year. I want to be able to fully pay off a certain loan by the time summer is over. Also, if er I mean when I get all As...maybe Ill get a scholarship for it. Hahahaaa I really need to work on trying to get them a bit more. It would be awesome if I could get enough "free" money (through many means) to pay for my last year.

I have been trying to be healthier and I am to a degree, but I need to do better. I also need to go to the eye doctor, GYN, normal doctor, and dentist for really overdue check ups. I do not have insurance for multiple reasons...so yea. I am not really worried about anything but the dentist. I probably have a cavity (even though there haven't been any real signs) and I know that will cost a ton of money. I probably won't do the eye checkup anytime soon though and I can go get a free normal check up on campus. Finally, I will get my inhaler prescription...just in case. I might put off the GYN check up because I doubt I have any issues, but it has been a while. It depends. I will do the normal and dentist one first. Then I can recalculate everything. For now, I need to get back into my flossing and exercising routine.

Luckily, there is nothing else to really talk about.

I thought I neglected this journal for a long time, but I realized that I actually posted entries every year so far. Granted, this year I wanted the longest amount of time. I believe I need to change my layout into something else. Maybe I will even start to write journals on here. Hahahaaa

I feel disconnected from life...let me count the reasons.

1. When I went to my parents to visit during Thanksgiving...everything felt a little foreign to me. I didn't feel like that place is home anymore. The town, the big city nearby, my neighborhood, my parents house...nothing.
-Maybe this is because I have been living somewhere else for over a year, but that doesn't seem to make sense to me. After all, I have lived somewhere else for a year before and never could visit...where as I visited my parents five months before Thanksgiving.

2. All semester I have been in a weird trance when it comes to school. It hasn't been the best semester for me for multiple reasons but I have never worried about it at all. Usually I don't let school stress me out anyway but I don't even bother to motivate myself. It is like I know that I will magically be fine with my grades no matter what I do. With that said, I know deep down I care about school but yea.

3. When it comes to my relationships with people...I suppose I spend the most time trying to figure that out (and myself). Whether I am becoming better friends with some or not...I don't actually feel closer. It is like I just do whatever and it is what it is.

4. Even though I know I want to do certain things...like go to Japan in May, be more active with sports again, and get back into my creativeness, play video games...I am all nonchalant about it even if I am actually working toward those goals.

5. I have also noticed that whatever I eat doesn't seem to mean anything to me. I get hungry...look for food and realize I don't "feel" like eating anything. It is because I know that it won't satisfy my frozen taste buds but I will eat since I have too. It doesn't matter if it is something I really like.

6. In short...it is like I am in a dream state most of the time. I am just watching myself do whatever I do like a movie. For that reason, my life doesn't seem totally real to me most of the time and thus I feel disconnected in general. When you are watching a movie you can still get sad and have an opinion but are disconnected because you aren't there with the people in the movie. That is how it is for me a lot of the time.

** This is all in general and so it is not this way 24/7. I am not saying that this is a good or bad thing...I am just aware of it. **


My Wishlist:
1. A plane ticket to Japan (or money for it).
2. Enough money to pay off a certain bill all at once.
Both would be great but one or the other is fine. Farfetched but if anyone asks that is what I am going to say. Hahahaaa

Some updates...
1. I have this strong urge to ask a friend of mine to be my boyfriend. It is a little weird because I never felt like doing that before and the situation.
2. This fall has been really weird in general....especially when it comes to school.
3. I want to be healthy and I am going to actually get to a good point for once in my life.
4. I am going to visit Japan even though it is not the smartest way to use my "extra" money.

I am tired so I think I am going to bed soon.

The semester is over...it went well in some ways and not so good in other ways. In reality I am being picky I suppose.

Not everything I said I was going to do happened...too bad. I might not even get to go to otakon because I am really poor.

I found a new place to live next year. The house is cool, its cheaper but I live with the same amount of people and my room is smaller (not that I really care).

I have two insane goals...
1. Is getting in great shape related wager by August against a friend with serious penalities for losing (Ill probably go in detail later).
2. The Japanese task...due by December.

I still don't have a job and I should really start making a better effort.

I have been thinking about how I used to be...how I might want to be and how I am now. I have always been open with people and never really cared what others knew/thought and stuff. And I have always been really happy and goofy. I went through something that made me think I wasn't as happy was I was in high school...but now I know that I wasn't pretending to be happy (most of the time) and now I am still a happy positive person that laughs a lot and acts weirdo sometimes. This time I am struggling with friendships and other relationships.

For instance...
One friend of mine is really nice and we get along just fine. She used to be depressing and stuff but somehow I helped her become less like that and such. She complains about things but puts herself in situations which will cause issues she will complain about later. That annoys me...and I don't get how she can be like "Oh my friend is cool and nice...just annoying sometimes." In my opinion, she gets along with her but it seems like there are more annoyances than one should have in a friendship...it seems draining. Her "putting" up with such things drives me crazy. It might be because I know how it is to be too nice and walked all over and it tazes you in so many ways. I think I am not as "nice" as I used to be (I would hope I don't let myself get walked over like before) but people still call me nice soo obviously you don't have to turn into a mean person to fix the issue. My biggest issue though...not that these things are annoying enough to break a friendship (because if they bother me its not often)...the fact that she doesn't trust me and thus won't tell me "everything". When people don't tell me things that bothers me, but I learned to deal with it because they will tell me whe they want. In this case though...she just doesn't trust people well because I have never been a nontrustworthy person in someones eyes...as far as I know. It is just annoying because I am open and yet she isn't. I mean it wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't say things like "Oh speaking of her...well if I tell you...you can't tell Grace." And then she will just decide not to tell me. Usually its not really important or I already kind of knew but didn't want to assume anything. Don't bring up shit if you aren't going to say anything. Plus, when it comes to me telling other people stuff...I won't if you specifically tell me not to tell anyone...not that I go around telling other people friends business like some kind of gossip queen. Speaking of which...this friend gossips and she admits it. She always has the "inside" scope.
This is my deal with her and me being open. I feel like I should not be as open with her since she doesn't "trust" me. Plus, if she tends to gossip then I am sure she will tell someone random stuff about me. Not that I really care but at the same time...people that can't trust maybe can't trust themselves and thus can I really trust them?
Speaking of being open...another friend seems to like to know what is going on with everybody but at the same time she doesn't seem like the type to gossip but then again, she might gossip like my other friend. I mean its not that they tell everything to everybody or something...it seems like its more so some things to close friends or whatever.
Then I have another friend who is uber private. I mean he tells me a lot but whatever, but there are certain things he doesn't feel comfortable talking about. I am guessing it is because he likes to form a closer bond with select few before he talks about really important/deep things about him. I also think that the closer a friend is the more he will talk about in general. For this reason, I am not really bothered if he "ignores" a topic. Later...he will tell me if he wants. I found out that one of my maybe gossipy friends (the second person I talked about) tried to get imformation out of him because she mentioned how he is good at "avoiding" things when talking. I am pretty sure I know exactly when they talked and what she was trying to get something out of him that involved me. Honestly, I don't think he talks about other people unless its with is like BEST friend and he seems selective about close friends in general. Which is funny because he does have a lot of friends. I really like how he is so private though because I know he won't tell people what I tell him...in general. And if he is asked to keep a secret he is really good at that as well.

So after thinking about these three people...I have been wondering if I should be less open. I mean...just because I don't care what people know about me and I don't really care (nowadays I do care what certain maybe "special" people think of me) what people think/assume (because real friends will ask or understand and it wouldn't be an issue)...doesn't mean I should just poor out everything about me. At the same time...I don't think it is good to hold things back in general...it depends on the situation and person you are talking too.
I just don't feel the urge to talk about everything anymore and I think that might be a good thing. I won't hide stuff but I am not going to talk about something unless it is somehow brought up during a conversation. Of course, if I really need to talk I will...I am talkative after all so I can't stop being that way in general.

On to other topics...I think my friends on LJ don't read my stuff...not that I care. I know a few would and sometimes respond but I don't really "know" a lot of the people on my friendslist in here. Hahahaaa

Anyway...I got to go take out the trash in the pouring rain and then play a game with my dad.

A lot has happened so far this year, but to make it easier I will put things in categories.

School:
-Has been going good as far as grades are concerned. I could have done better last semester but there is nothing really to complain about. This semester could have been better but it might turn out better than the first so that is great.
-In general I like school so yay!

Things I have done:
-Went bowling and then to a bar for my birthday. Later I shoved my cake into my own face. So funny...
-Hung out with family and friends doing normal things.
-Played laser tag with a group of people and got first place the second time.
-Started getting into a ping pong competition where there are bets. That will probably only last until the end of the semester.
-I don't feel like adding anything else to this list really.

Things I will probably do:
-Go to the Cherry Blossom Festival in a few weeks.
-Get a job for summer.
-Go help my Aunt in the summer.
-Go to Otakon and wear a Kimono one day and go to the concert. The rest is uncertain...
-Go to something else that my friend wants to take me too...I can't remember exactly what it is at the moment.

Relationships with people here:
-No matter who I befriend...they will leave when there is a break or when school is over for them. Well, there are exceptions but that is basically how it is. I have yet to get used to this but I have a plan.
-I seem to be making more friends that are Asian. For instance, one of my really close friends is Korean and the other is Japanese (but he is back in Japan now). The third person I am really close to is my roommate Tiffany but she is American. Usually she sticks around here during breaks or whatnot...sort of. Hahahaaa
-I have relatives that live 20 minutes away and sometimes I spend time with them, but it kind of feels awkward. I mean it is fun and stuff but sometimes there is this...I don't know.

I feel like I am forgetting a category but I guess this is a good enough update for now. This is still kind of long and I really just made a list of things. Hahahaaa

At the beginning I had no friends and no outlet. All I really did was schoolwork and online randomness. It took me a while to get back into the swing of normal life. I say normal because I feel like I have been in lameo recovery mode since I got back from Germany. Then I fixed some things and the last half of the semester I was goofing off more than studying. it was a horrible balance (that I hope to fix next semester) but I got A's and B's still. Next semester I need a one day job to give a little help with money without making my grades suffer.

As for my apartment...its great and I finally found a fourth roommate and so everything seems like it will work out just fine. It was a pain to get it all worked out but I think it will be worth it.

As for relationships here...it seems like it might turn out like it usually does. Me making friends with all different types of people and thus being able to mingle with any group. Yes people still sort of make their own groups like high school. I think it is a fact of life but I am still the one that can float from group to group without actually being in one. Hahahaaa
I think it is mainly because I laugh all the time or something.

I found this cool internet cyber cafe near my place. It is a chill place to relax even if I don't have the money to pay. Plus, I befriended a lot of people (including the owners). Sometimes they let me play for free because I help out a little with random things and keep the costumers entertained in a non gaming way. Pffthahahaaa

My health got better but I really need to work on that a lot still...so over the break I am going to try and do that. I already started a little but I need to get focused.

Now to the most recent stuff...which is probably the most interesting. My Japanese teacher had a end of the semester party at her house. I had the best curry and rice, sushi I never seen before, toasty sake, and yummy octopus balls. She had a cute little koi pond and they have Japanese channels (the husband was watching a lot). She also turned one room into a tradional looking tea room with sliding shoji screens and stuff.
My friend was asking about the alter and stuff...so my teacher was all showing us a ceremony. She had us sit on our knees facing three other people. My friend happened to be in front of some girl I talked to at some point at the party but didn't know. And I was in front of some Japanese guy I never seen before. There was his friend sitting next to him. So when the teacher finished she said "It's an arranged marriage!" or something like that. I looked from her to the guy sitting across from me. We both seemed to be like "Um so what now!?" it was funny. I mean it was a silent communication. The whole thing was funny, surprising but cool.

I was nervous because even though there were only five Japanese people there out of over 20...a lot of people could speak Japanese well. I talked to some of them randomly though. One tried to ease my uncomfort by starting the conversation in Japanese. I felt like I messed up but its okay. One time I walked to the kitchen and was watching my teacher with others cooking the octiballs (I didn't know what they were doing at first though) I happened to be standing by three of the Japanese guys and one noticed I was sort of paying attention so he explained that they (two of them) were speaking in Korean so that is why the other guy was all confused. Hahahaaa And they he asked me told me what they were cooking and asked if I had any before. He seemed excited to find out that I like trying anything. Hahahaaa He spoke in english the whole time. I ended up talking to that same guy later because I was standing near them again and he started to explain what the others were talking about. Then we started our own conversation. I ended up finding out that his name was Yuki. He is really nice and cute. hahahaaa In any case, he seemed to really like that fact that I took Tae Kwon Do before and seemed to want me to come visit him in Japan by the end of the conversation. I suppose we got along really well. Hahahaaa
They all seemed to wonder why I starting laugh at random. I just keep saying that I laugh a lot. It seemed to intrigue them...but that part of my personality seems to interest a lot of people anyway.
The Japanese guy I was sitting across from when the teacher did that ceremony thing (which happened sometime in the middle of the party) seemed to want to talk to me every time we were near each other. He poured sake for me a couple times hahahaaa We did talk but it was brief. It was like we were bother really shy in those moments.

That was all at the party really...oh Yuki asked his friend to take a picture of me and him together. I was surprised...but it was cool and the picture actually turned out fine.

After I left I was hoping to run into those two before the semester was over (which was in a week or so) because I figured they would be here like me (and friends I happened to back were going back home) so I would have someone to hang out with.

I did kind of befriend this Korean girl a bit before that (later I found out she hung out with all the Japanese peeps before) I was going to try to hang out with some.

At first I thought I would just like all Japanese people because I just love everything about their culture and stuff but since the party I realized that isn't the case. Two of them were cool and one was just there for me while the two I will end up talking about more were soooo adorable.

So the next day I was walking out of the library to go study Japanese when I saw that shy Japanese guy. I sat down next to him and we started talking. He seems better at talking when he is one on one...kind of like me hahahaaa Unfortunately I had to leave to study. Near the end of our studying those two came by and Yuki talked to my friend about his school. She had been looking for him all semester and was all surprised I met him at the party when she was being a loner. What is even more funny is the fact that she passes by his room everyday because they live (basically) right next to each other. Meanwhile, Yoshiro (I found out his name while talking to him on the bench) was kind of off to the side so I asked him where he went to college in Japan. It seems Yuki is the talker and Yoshiro is pushed aside a lot. I think it is partly because of the colleges they go too and the fact that Yoshiro seems less confident with is speaking ability. Anyway, when they left Yoshiro did an embarrassing (for him) cute thing. Hahahaaa He seems to do that around me a lot. My friend said that he acts normal/cool around her. *shrugs*

I ended up seeing Yuki a lot and showed him this Japanese toy that I got from my mom (which she found amongst my great grand fathers things). He almost sang the song that came with it (darn) but it was cool to see his expression and how he explained that it said.

Last night Yuki had to see my friend before he left (on the 20th) because he has to go back to Japan this month. My friend just moved into my place and I think Yuki figured I would be there because he asked if Yoshiro could come over as well. I didn't even expect anyone to come over sooo I kind of freaked out. I mean we didn't have a lot of time to clean it up. Hahahaa Plus, I never really had company over before and there wasn't much to do because the common area is sucky.
In the end, it went okay for me but not me friend (I think she has a crush on Yuki). Yoshiro separated us from the other two when I went to go get everyone water. Well, I suppose he was just being nice in offering to help. Hahahaaa
In any case, we were both nervous at the beginning but calmed down a little. Most of the time we conversed fine but sometimes their were moments of silence. We talked about a lot of different things. He seemed impressed with my ability to play many instruments and the fact that I took Tae Kwon Do (that is when I knew they talk about me because Yoshiro brought it up and I only told Yuki).
There are three things we talked about that would let us hang out again (since he is staying longer than Yuki)...like his collection of anime. Mwahahahaaa
There were some culture moments that were funny.
For instances...I asked if he was ticklish and he didn't know what that word meant so I was trying to figure out how to explain it. In the end I just started poking his side to see if he would react. After the third time he did one of this ticklish jumps but his reaction after that was even cuter. I think I scared him a bit but he knows what the word means now. We talked about it a bit more and I told him that I wouldn't do that again (booo) and he trusts me (is that wise of him? haha).
Another moment was when we were talking about hugging (which came up because I asked him why he wanted to get that particular type of dog). In any case, I was kind of surprised that he said that it was okay if I hugged him (not that second but in general) because we both know that in his culture (because we talked about around that time) they just don't hug. But I have been wanted to hug Yuki and Yoshiro for a while because they are just so huggable or something. So yay! I am sure Yoshiro will get used to hugs but the first time is going to be funny. Hahahaaa
I found it interesting that Yoshiro was fine with certain things but not others. I suppose it has something to do with personal space/boundaries that they set up in general over in Japan.

All in all it was a good experience for me...my friend on the other hand just felt awkward because of things I am not going to explain. It is her business after all. Yuki seemed to make an excuse to see me again before he left (around when we dropped them off). I think he just wants to spend time with everyone before he leaves...and since I hardly talked too him...yea. So we shall see if that happens. Two more days until he is gone. Oh yea...Yuki gave us presents that he brought from Japan. How nice and planned out...gifts for new friends. Hehe

Alright that is enough about my semester. I suppose I will write about my winter break next time. I will try not to wait forever again. hahahaaa

I have been busy doing lots of stuff. First I was at my Aunts, in Philly, for two weeks. I was watching her kids/house while she was with her hubby in China. It was more of a business trip with a dash of fun. I tend to feel uncomfy in that semi rich neighborhood. They just sort of act weird and give me a unsettling vibe. Not that they are bad people but yea. I was missing jeff but most of the time I had fun with my cousins. My Aunt gave me asian place mats with chopsticks. They are pretty.

Then I went home just to leave a day later to go to this mini family reunion in Va Beach. That was a bit of a drama because my Gammy has gotten more opinionated and clings to her only daughter (my godparent). Not to mention it was around my sisters birthday and the fourth of July. In general it was fun but their were issues.

I visited my Aunts on my mothers side. It was the first time in forever I have seen their house. I realized that it seemed big at the time it was built but nowadays it is kind of a normal size. I ended up playing video games that I brought with my cousins.
We also went to play Laser Tag. Things were a bit different but I did rather well considering I was rusty. My cousins were the top people everytime. My cousin from Philly was above ten everytime. I did great one time and bad the next. I averaged ten out of 24 people so that is okay I guess. Well the second time wasn't really my fault...I just couldn't find anyone to shoot for the first two minutes...sucky that I went to the wrong place.

My sister wanted to go to Busch Gardens but wouldn't go if I didn't go. She wanted to go with both me and my brother. The only problem was that we already told dad one of us would play golf in the tournament (family one) with him. I didn't really want to go to Busch Gardens but I said I would for her. It didn't work out so great because I felt like the air was suffacating whe I was outside in the heat. Not to mention the hills that made me tired to walk up. She knows I have these problems and I wasn't super behind but I beleive she took it as me being antisocial or whatever. She also got upset that I didn't tell her how I was feeling. The reason why is because I didn't want to mess up her day...it really doesn't matter if I was feeling crappy because we would all still do what we were doing and I would just live through it. Plus I told whoever bothered to notice and ask....which was my brother and my cousin I watched from Philly. I realized that night that me and my sister don't communicate well. I don't feel like dealing with it until I get to school. She is scary to talk to in person a lot of the time and I am busy getting ready.
Then the family decided to get her a cake the day before the amusement park. It had a cute horse drawn on it. That wasthe day the family pictures were being taken. There was an indian/settler play and this cool place to walk around that my uncle built. It was cool in general but I had been there before so yea. At the end of eating we were suppose to bring out the cake for my sister and stuff. Well since people had to rush to see the play...I got upset because I didn't want things to not happen and stuff. When I told my sister that later she was all like awwwwww. At the time she was a bit annoyed that I was mad for no reason. So instead we all were going to go to my uncles cause its cooler there and such. That same uncle accidentally mentioned something about the cake and my sister figured it out and started to get embarassed. They brought it out then but that was because Gammy insisted that we do it there. She wasn't going to go to my uncles and two cousins HAD to work. Well while the lameos were taking pictures a tiny attention craved cousin tried to throw sand in the cake (and succeeded a bit). Gammy insisted that he wouldn't do that and the dad gave the kid hell for it. My sister felt bad for the cousin but was upset that we had to wait around to eat the cake and stuff. Not to mention the fact that Gammy came to the house afterwards anyway. Other than that...it was fun.

Speaking of that day...for the picture...my aunt was taken it and well she has taken more photography classes than me but she is so lame. I mean first of all we were in the sun and the wind wasn't blowing are hair in a nice direction. Second she asked us to wear white and good photographers. at least, know that white takes away from the face and is not the best color on the skin. The brothers and their families protested and we mainly wore plain normal colors. My dad had a big arguement with his mom (aka Gammy) about how wrong it is to tell us to wear white and jeans after we all get here. I mean we all aren't amde out of money so that we can buy something just for a picture. Basically Gammy made us feel bad by saying how busy her daughters family is. Like we don't work...and those guys take expensive trips for months at a time to some far off place. I mean come on...I kind of wish my godmother was more like she used to be...a tomboy and stuff. I mean the family are good people but she has changed. I think it is because of the whole getting wealthy when she was uber poor thing. Just caught up in it but I don't think she is being true to herself and is thus not really happy.

I has to babysit my uncles four kids for a day...that wasn't horrible but it was hectic. They are a bit rowdy but cute. Blah...we went to the pool for a bit. There was a hottub and a sonna.

I swam in the bay and played with many cousins. My uncle (dads youngest brother) was surprised how good I was with the football. Hehe There was a nice bbq at my uncles (the one that served the birthday cake) before the fireworks. That was cool...talked to the cousins my age. One is preggo...I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I mean she has been doing the more party thing in life and not finishing school so maybe it will make her group up now. Of course it could turn around and make things worse but I hope that won't happen. I know her older sister (who is five days younger than me) will help her out. They are rather close anyway. Then we hung out and watched fireworks on the beach, let off our own. This group of people were playing cool music nearby so there was dancing going o. It was pretty cool in general. We were all acting like loons really.

I think the rest of the time I was just doing random stuff with whoever was around. I took notes from a book a lot but yea.

I came home and tried to look for a place off campus for school. There is such a shortage of dorms that the school just finished a new building (on campus) a year ago and there were 80 people in front of me on the waiting list. They put in Freshman first cause they are newer and there were even freshman looking for a place to stay off campus.

Then I went to Otakon...that was funy but I will tell about it later since this one is alreazdy super long.

I came back and am getting ready for school. I found a place...or my mom did while I was at Otakon. I just have to send the paperwork and hope it goes through...I am not worried but we'll see.

I still got to finish painting the dining room before I go.

My friend got preggo and is being weird about it.

I ahve a concert to go to around the middle of August...which was a dumb idea because I have to move in to the place at school earlier than I expected. It is just problematic...not that I don't want to go.

Well I got into the college I wanted to and I visited already. I am excited and the place is great from what I seen so far. I even met one of my dads old teachers. I am signed up for classes and applied for housing and Aid. I won't find out how that goes until later so right now I just have to wait. I just got back my writing placement exam...I got a C basically. Out of the six things that I could have done wrong I only did one wrong. I have always struggled with grammer and I never see where I make these mistakes. I think that is the problem. At least I didn't mess up in areas I was good in. I don't actually have to take a English class because I did already but that test was a must do for everyone. I didn't realize how close my relatives were going to be to the school. If we don't hang out during the whatever years I am there that would be kind of lame but its up to them because I don't have a car to drive to them.

Lately I have been reconnecting with friends...finally. It is really nice.
On the other hand...I feel so disconnected with my sister. I mean I can't seem to hang out with her without having some weird uncomfortable moment between us. I think it is just retarded in general.

This spring has been really bad for me health wise. Hopefully when spring is over I will calm down. I mean not being able to laugh a lot because I won't be able to breath until I take my mids is just not right...not to mention waking up in the middle of the night having breathing problems. I mean it seems better somewhat but yea.

I guess that is all for the short update...even though its not really that short. Hahahaaa

I had a good time away from "home" in general. Earned twenty bucks without trying too. All I did was go through a friends stack of boardgames to see if all the pieces where in them all. I remember the mom talking about having to do that so she gave me twenty bucks. Sweet!

As soon as I stepped into my "home" after a week I instantly felt horrible. I saw the dining room and got depressed. It was cluttered with stuff and looked horrible. The biggest reason I was upset is because I designed that room and I made it simple and clean for a reason...but most of all...I felt like no one cares about what I did. I mean out of everyone that saw it at different times it was all negative feedback. There was one time for each person a nice thing was said at the "end". I mean I know they were worried about the color but they also wanted the room painted and said I could do it. I just wish they would let me actually finish the design and leave it be in general. I know its my parents house and stuff but I don't know. It is like someone painting a tree in a abstract painting I did. Disrespectful...
In any case...
I realized that just being in that house gives me negative feelings and makes me feel horribl. I tried to come to grips with things that shouldn't bother me so much but it is so hard.
Things that suck at "home"...
I am allergic to the animals in the house and my asthma has been getting worse in general. Honestly I should go to doctors but I am poor. If I told my mom how many times a day I had to take my inhaler she would freak out. Maybe I will have an allergy attack or something. *sighs*
My dadders is not in the best of moods ever because he works 15 hours a day for 7 days a week most of the time...at the moment.
Mom seems like she is always pissy...I think she is become depressed again. I am constantly getting "yelled" at for the lamest things. It is just annoying.
My brother is having trouble graduating high school and is stressed out I suppose...he gets in fights with mom a lot.
I suppose I am most okay with my sister because she isn't around a lot and I have been hanging out with her lately so yea.
I don't have my own room and I wake up in the middle of the night not able to breathe that well...in more ways than one.
They were happy I was gone for the week...I don't feel wanted appericated or that I belong but I have nowhere to really go.

I really don't feel like mentioning anymore but I will say...two of my friends told me they felt a negative vibe when entering the house and one mentioned how my mom is usually happy but lately she has been...different.

I did get applications and checked up with college transfer stuff. I hope all that works out.

I got to go watch an asian movie so laters!

My mom went semi looney a couple days ago.
I decided to spend the week at Jeffs house.
All my friends are suddenly having relationship issues.
I decided how I want to fix up the rest of the painting in the dining room.
I have been doing productive things.
My allergies and asthma are making weird things happen and its not the good kind.

I am done!

What has happened since last monday!?

Well I hung out here and there.

Did my normal daily things.

My friends friend was going to get married to this abusive girl with kids this past Saturday but he got sick before the wedding started. He was caughing up blood and is in the hospital. Apparentally the wife to be decided never to visit the guy and called to complain about how he ruined her wedding. Her whole side of the family partied it up and did the reception thing. The guy paid for it all of course. Enough about those looney people...

Oh I am registered for Otakon but I got to pay my sister back...since she used her card to pay for it. Hahahaaa Maybe I will go to the bank tomorrow or something.

It looks like the confusion about college is subsiding and starting to progress in a good way.

Nothing less to mention I guess...

Mom came home a whole ten hours earlier than I thought so I had to tell her about the painting of the room since it wasn't finished. When I picked her up and was talking about her trip...she seemed happy enough to me. As soon as we got home though...she took a glance at the red walls and said something like "Its too light" in a mean way. I mean it was a dark red...what was she even talking about? Then I come to find out that she was mad at dad for "hanging" up on her two days earlier. Which dad was talking to her on the phone and tinkering with something and he had to put the phone down when something happened. Just a stupid misunderstanding but mom decided to stay mad about it for days. Appartently she wanted to remind him about his court apppointment and when she came home she knew he forgot...and it was the next day. Dad says that he thinks mom was saying bad things about the dining room because she was upset. My mom went on a telling us our faults rampage and cleaning the fireplace room out. You know stuff like "Those kids cleaned up better then you guys do" or "I am tired of you guys leaving towels on the floor and not washing them." I wanted to wash the towels before she came but like I said...she came earlier than I thought and there was red painting stuff in the sink...in the laundry room. I could point out more idiotic things she said but whats the point. It just made me feel horrible. She kept saying why she didn't like the paint and it was stupid things too. It hurt my feelings because she was being harsh about it and didn't seem to realize how much crap I did for her the past two weeks. I mean i wasn't the only one able to do stuff around the house but I was the only one really doing anything. That is why I hate it when mom leaves. I hate taking care of things that isn't mine...

So I just finished up a bit...not caring that it wasn't totally finished (I have to paint the cieling and trim. I just wanted to put the stupid stuff back in because I knew everyone would like it when it was put together. Of course the next day...everyone liked it...whether ornot they liked it before...and most didn't. Losers...I was happy that it worked out how I invisioned it. It looks like an elegant dining room now. The room is the only clean, organized and beautiful room in the whole house. I put the left over furniture in the fireplace room. Its a small room and there are too many peices in there but it actually looks better than before...its weird. I was thinking of painting that room green but I don't know...although I think painting the living room...which houses the tv and is next to the dining room...a lighter golden color. The only problem is...we have this horrible overly big couch of a tan color. I just want it to go away. Big sectional. I hate how the seats eat me...I am already short and I don't need a massive couch to make me feeling like a ten year old.Plus that tanish color wouldn't go with golden paint hahahaaa No one is going to clutter the room I created though. I refuse to let it happen! And everyone keeps saying "Come see OUR room" Pfft...nobody helped at all and everyone in the family didn't like it...besides my dad. At first my dad was iffy about it but then he liked it alright and would help every now and then. I know the deal was I get to paint it any color if I paint it and balh blah but yea...don't take credit it for my design and work!

I watched some of Gantz the other day...can't wait to see the rest.
I watched catwoman too...it was okay I guess. I know I heard a lot of bad things about it and I can see why it wasn't super popular but it wasn't horrible...in my opinion.

Today I was suppose to hang out with Jeff in the woods but I have been feeling sick since yesterday. Having to go icky potty a lot...in any case...I don't think what we planned is gonna work out.

I went to costco with my dad to get new tires since one exploded on the highway. While waiting we ate some breakfast. I suppose he wanted to spend time with me. At one point we started talking about a resturant making a meal called "lunch" and have it be something common like...hamburger and fries. That way people will come just to have this happen.

Waiter: What would you like to eat?
Lady: I will have some lunch please.
Waiter: Alright.
Person that just sat down that has never read the menu: What!?

Or a new waiter would get all confused. It would be great. You can even have breakfast and dinner. I bet people would go just because the meal is called those things. Hahahaaaa We had some other random conversation when driving "home" but I forget what it is...something pervy I believe. Oh yea...about sicko people having sex with car tailpipes. I forget where that came from.

I played DDR one night. It was the SuperNova one. Got some new songs but I just started the master mode for the most part so yea. Since I haven't played in a while and am a bit out of shape I totally overworked myself. The next day I started painting and I was soooo dead tired. My knees hurt as well and I had to do a lot of standing while painting. I painted the dinning room walls with a primer. The walls totallysoaked up the primer...stupid old walls. I had to buy a new can of red paint because I basically used up the first gallon. If it wasn't for the primer I would probably have to put on five thousand coats. It looks really good so far...I am excited. When I put on a sample my dad and sis thought it looked like blood hahahaaa I have been painting for three days now...or something like that. Mum comes back tommorrow night so I want to finish this up and move in the right furniture and stuff. Even after the red walls are done I got to paint the moldings white or whatever. Then I have to clean out the big thingy she wants to move in the dinning room. She doesn't know I am doing this and dad almost gave it away. She said I could a long time ago but makes up lameo reasons not too. Since she is gone I just got dad to help get me started and stuff.

It just started snowing...it is a very light snow but still...very cool!

Yesterday I finished making the window look awesome! The whole house needs to be cleaned and redone in general but at least that window is finally painted. Not like it was my job but yea...
I looked into another college. I talked to this guy named Jeff on a chat thingy they have. It was odd but cool. I like it because you don't have to be super serious and can talk about something random without feeling like a weirdo. Of course...I wouldn't go completely off topic forever. That would be silly.
Oh and I exercised as well...I wanted to play DDR but maybe I will do that today since I didn't yesterday.

Other than that I didn't do much else I suppose.

Today I get to see Jeff after 4pm which is in three lovely hours. it will only be for a little bit because he has to study for his test for his Saturday class. Maybe I will go to watch anime with my sister and friends after Jeff leaves...hopefully he will be able to come some time.

I got to go eat because my tummy is starting to eat itself.